Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Just loved these lines about LIFE.. When I got enough confidence, the stage was gone..
When I was sure of losing, I won.. When I needed people the most, they left me..
When I learnt to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on..
When I mastered the skill of hating, Someone started loving me from the core of one's heart and while waiting for light for hours when I fell asleep the sun came out.. That's LIFE!
No matter what you plan you never know what life has planned for you.. Live the moment. Live the suspense. Be surprised!!
Dictionary says that 'Open' and 'Close' are opposites.,
But lessons of life teach tat we are 'Open' to only with whom we are 'Close'..!!!
Ek lafz hai (MOHABBAT)
isse kar k dekho tum tadap naa jao to kehna!
Ek lafz hai (MUQADDAR)
is se lad ke dekho tum haar na jao toh kehna!
Ek lafz hai (WAFA)
Zamane mein nahin milti.. kahin dhoond pao to kehna!
Ek lafz hai (AANSU)
Dil mein chhupa kar dekho.Tumhari aankhon se na nikle toh kehna!
Ek lafz hai (JUDAAI)
isse seh kar toh dekho tum toot ke bikhar na jao toh kehna!
Ek lafz hai (KHUDA)
Usse pukaar kar toh dekho sab kuch paa naa lo toh kehna..

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I Am Slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
He Is Thorough

When I don't do it,
I Am Lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
He Is Busy,

When I do something without being told,
I Am Trying To Be Smart,
When my boss does the same,
He Takes The Initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
I Am An Idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's Only Human.

When I am out of the office,
I Am Wondering Around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's On Business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I Am Always Sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He Must Be Very Ill.

When I apply for leave,
I Must Be Going For An Interview.
When my boss applies for leave,
It's Because He's Overworked

When I do good,
My Boss Never Remembers,
When I do wrong,
He Never Forgets

Dedicated to all Salaried people.

Monday, October 29, 2012

About Service Tax in India..... how the restaurants loot your money ... Be aware

Ramanathan Hariharan updated his status: "Surprisingly after reading about the "Service Tax", I strongly decided to share this information to
everyone.

This happened at the restaurant. Let me explain.
We had been to several restaurants recently. I observed that "service tax" has been mis-used and charged to the customers like you and me.

Let me give an example.

Food and Beverage = Rs. 1000.00
Service Charges @ 10% = Rs. 100.00 (10% on the Food and beverage amount)
Service Tax @ 4.94% = Rs. 54.34 (4.94% on F&B + Service Charges)
VAT @14.5% = Rs. 145.00
Total = Rs. 1299.34

As per the definition - "Service Tax can be charged only for the services provided to the customer".

Now, see what is happening here in the above said example.

Service Tax should be charged only on the Service Charges amount i.e Rs.100 and not on the entire amount (1000+100).

In this example, the customer should be charged only Rs 4.94, whereas he has been charged Rs. 49.00 extra.

Where does this money go? Only the restaurant owner and the chartered accountants who work for them know.

So, I have started asking them the questions - and surprised to see the reactions from the famous restaurants. Either they say: Sir we cannot change the format of the bill so , we will recalculate and tell you the revised amount. You may pay only that.

Sir, you do not need to pay the Service Tax amount itself.

I now have 3 to 4 restaurant bills, for which I have paid only the service tax - on the service charges and not on the total amount.

Every bill must carry the TIN number and Service Tax Number, if they charge it. So, I ask for the Service tax number if it is n if they charge it. So, I ask for the Service tax number if it is not available in the receipt that they provide.

We cannot go to any government official and ask them to get this right - because of our system.

Please remember - we cannot change any political leader - but we can change ourselves. If we change ourselves - things will change.

Please do share this with every one of your friends and known people.

Ask for the right tax calculation and pay only the tax which is supposed to be paid. Verify every bills and receipts that you make payment on.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Whoever said Alcohol is harmful ???

- 2 Rounds Of Brandy
30 Minutes Before Meal, Helps Digestion. 👍

- 1 Glass Of Beer After Waking Up, Helps Activate Internal Organs. 👍

- 1 Round Of Scotch Whiskey Before Sleep, Avoids Heart Attacks. 👍

- 1 Glass Of Wine Before Bath, Reduces Blood Pressure. 👍

- 2 Pegs Of Vodka Before Every Meeting, Helps Quick Decisions.

Pass It To All You Care.
Kindness Costs Nothing..!!! CHEERS..!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Sardar who is in Australia goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to checkout.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Sardar to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Sardar finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out.

The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids.

He asks the Sardar to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the Sardar comes to Woolworths with a bag, he asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Sardar, "What the fuck is this? Is this shit you Idiot?!"

The Sardar calmly replies, "Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper." =

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

13 Best moments of life: -To fall in love. -To clear your last exam. -To wake up and realize its still possible to sleep. -To get a phone call saying class is cancelled. -To feel butterflies every time you see THAT
PERSON.. -To see an old friend again and to feel that things
have not Changed.. -To touch the fingers of newly born child.. -Speaking to an old friend on sunday evening.. -Waiting for a call or message from your loved one
when you are alone.. -Walking alone on a silent road at night and
listening to your favourite songs.. -Riding on a highway while its raining -Speaking to the special one on phone while
standing infront of the mirror.
Haha....Feels just Awesome..:) -and the last one is 'rite
now'..
while reading this there was constant smile on
your face..
which was one of the best moments I believe..!
Keep smiling, It realy suits u...! :)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Read this Msg as slow as you can, This is undoubtfully the all time best Msg :
" WAQT NAHI "
Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daaman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ke liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Aankhon Mein Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Dil Hai Ghamo Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Paraye Ehsaso Ki Kya Kadar Karein,
Jab Apne Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
.
Tu Hi Bata Ae Zindgi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga.
.
"Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi..!"

Friday, October 19, 2012

A couple were driving at 70mph down the road, husband behind the wheel.
The wife suddenly says "Honey, I know we've been married twenty years but I want a divorce."
He says nothing but increases the speed to 80mph.
She says "Now don't try to talk me out of it, I've been screwing your best friend for sometime now and he IS better at sex than you."
He stays quiet, but speeds up to 90mph.
She says "I want the house and the car." (He is now doing 100mph.)
"I want the bank accounts and the credit cards too." she says.
The husband starts to veer towards the side of the road and a large grove of trees.
The wife gets nervous and asks "Isn't there ANYTHING you want?"
"No, I've got all I need."
"Oh really, so what exactly do you have?"
Just before they hit the tree at 120mph he smiles and says "The fucking air-bag"

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

FUNNY INTERVIEW
Officer: What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer: Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Mind-blowing Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Now over,You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Office : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer: M P !!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir..?
Officer :Mentally Puncture

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.


The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No.. I think now I'll just wait for the police:> ...
Moral- never mess with women
"Every Husband must Read
This" ....Even wife can also...:)
Love her .when she sips on your
coffee or tea. She only wants to make
sure it tastes just right for you.
Love her.when she "pushes" you to
pray. She wants to be with you in
Jannat...(Paradise).
Love her.when she asks you to play
with the kids. She did not "make"
them on her own.
Love her...when she is jealous. Out of
all the men she can have, she chose
you
Love her.when she has annoying
little habits that drives you nuts. You
have them too.
Love her.when her cooking is bad.
She tries.
Love her.when she looks dishevelled
in the morning. She always grooms
herself up again.
Love her.when she asks to help with
the kids homework. She only wants
you to be part of the home.
Love her...when she asks if she looks
fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her
she's beautiful.
Love her.when she looks beautiful.
She's yours so appreciate her.
Love her...when she spends hours to
get ready. She only wants to look her
best for you.
Love her.when she buys you gifts
you don't like. Smile and tell her it's
what you've always wanted.
Love her.when she has developed a
bad habit. You have many more and
with wisdom and politeness you have
all the time to help her change.
Love her.when she cries for
absolutely nothing. Don't ask, tell her
its going to be okay
Love her.when whatever you do is
not pleasing. It happens and will pass
Love her.when she stains your
clothes. You needed a new one
anyway :p
Love her.when she tells you how to
drive. She only wants you to be safe.
Love her.when she argues. She only
wants to make things right for both
Love her.she is yours. You don't
need any other special reason!!!!
All this forms part of a Woman's
Character. Women are part of your
life and should be treated as the
Queen.
The Messenger of God (peace be
upon him) advised concerning the
woman:
• Treat the women well.
• The best of you are those who are
the best in the treatment of their
wives.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Travelling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...

The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark. Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!

The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel... The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed... The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap. All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...

The Old Woman Is Thinking: These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...
The Young Girl Is Thinking: The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped...
The Manager Is Thinking: Damn It... My Assistant Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It Was Me And Slapped Me...
Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...

Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking... If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again... This Rascal Keeps Harassing Me In The Office all the time...>:OX_X=))

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

You all know KBC is Good Business. But have you ever pondered how well?????

Any guesses?????

Let's see ……..

Airtel is charging Rs.6/- per SMS sent for this contest. Assuming there are only 100 entries from

say 10 cities of some 20 districts and 20 states ….....

6(Rs. per SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) i.e. = 6 x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 =

Rs.24, 00,000/-.

Rs.24 lakhs in just 20 minutes (from people trying for the Rs.2 lakhs cash prize). Imagine the

scenario if 1000 entries try out from 100 cities?

The figure simply grows by 2 more zeroes and yields a whopping Rs.24 crores !!!!!

And it does not stop there. In practice, it could be another multiple of 100 or a multiple of 1000 on

an average. In that case, it is 24 x 100 crores earnings in just 20 minutes on every episode!!!

And the prize money: A mere Rs.2 crores !!!!! (and from whose pocket ?????)

Smart Business By Siddharth Basu! And the best part of the above calculation is just the SMS

earning!!!!! What about the Ad money ?????

A rough annual profit calculation goes like this:

(2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/month) x 12 = Rs.5, 76,000 crores.

Let even 50% get dissolved in taxes and other payments; still, you will be left with (which includes

even the meagre Rs.480 crores of prize money, i.e., if every episode bags Rs.2 crores prize) – Rs.2,

88,000/- crores profit !!!!! (Only from SMS).

Therefore, a Very Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI" and your options are –

A) SONY TV

B) AIRTEL

C) AMITABH BACHAN

D) SIDDHARTH BASU

Computerji, iska jawab bataiye....

Answer: All FOUR..!!!!